Since saying goodbye to my foster daughter, I’ve been in the throes of ambiguous grief. Here’s why it’s so complicated.

My partner and I are currently navigating a painful, ever evolving grief cycle. It began as anticipatory grief: the knowledge that our foster daughter wouldn’t be staying with us. Even when she was still in our home, I was mourning her loss, and it felt so complicated. Now that she’s gone, back with her family, it’s even tougher. We’re in a stage our therapist described as ambiguous grief. There’s no end to the sadness; there’s no funeral to attend. There is the loss of my identity as a mother and parent, as well as the actual, physical loss of Daisy. Everything in our home still reminds me of her, and I can’t bear to change a thing in her room. It’s getting better, but it’s a daily struggle.