When did #feminism begin? Earlier than you might think. Today, we can easily identify feminism because it is clearly marked with the hashtag #feminist, but this was not the case before Twitter and Target-brand tote bags. Thankfully, we now have a timeline tracking all the milestones that made mass-market #feminism what it is today and show what #feminism will look like in the future.
Kicking off #feminism with a bang. This is roughly when the Big Bang happened, a very significant event in feminist history. Basically, a tiny baby universe channeled her female rage so hard she literally expanded into the grown woman universe we know her to be today. One day billions of years in the future, circa 2007, a TV show will attempt to tell her story. It will mostly star men and reductive female characters.
The Earth is formed, and Mother Nature herself is literally born. Around this time, the planet Venus also begins to take shape. As we now know, Venus (the planet) walked so that Venus (the razor brand) could run. Venus (razor brand) will eventually go on to empower generations of women to examine their relationship with their body hair very, very closely. Preferably with a hand mirror and a magnifying glass. Now, we know women should only shave if and when they feel like it (that is, every time they see even a single body hair).
It’s the time of dinosaurs, those prehistoric queens. While dinosaurs aren’t inherently feminist, their existence during the Triassic period and subsequent extinction during the Cretaceous period set the stage for a significant #feminist event that would take place millions of years later: the 1993 “Jurassic Park” movie. Yes, all the dinosaurs in the movie were created female. You can’t be it if you can’t see it. Are women still, in the current day, widely underrepresented in leadership positions, STEM fields, local government, federal government and even most blockbuster movies? Sure, but we can be dinosaurs now. What a #RepresentationWin for women everywhere.
Oh hello, witches. There is a lot of current #feminist symbolism that originated with witches of the 17th century: women in control, bodily autonomy, cool black outfits and being a hat girl. One often overlooked contribution our witch foremothers gave us is arguably the most powerful one: “witch” rhymes with a certain “b” word. Today, women can easily order tea towels, novelty mugs and home decor that says, “Witch, please.” If that’s not #feminism, I don’t know what feminism actually is.
Women obtain the right to vote with the ratification of the 19th amendment, which paves the path for women of the future to post selfies wearing “I Voted” stickers. This eventually becomes the only way women are allowed to post photos of themselves without being called narcissistic. Self-love is so important up to a point — then it becomes conceited.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg is born. She will provide women, for years to come, with the important opportunity to play her on TV and in movies.
Rosie the Riveter is invented so women of the future can have an empowering Halloween costume.
The birth control pill becomes commercially available, thus beginning the never-ending cycle of #feminist contraceptive ads for women. In the present day, we are still gently coaxing men to please, for the love of god, wear a condom.
Kimberlé Crenshaw coins the term “intersectionality” in the context of feminism. Also, Taylor Swift is born this year and we get distracted and kind of forget about the intersectionality thing for a while.
The Spice Girls invent girl power. Their hit single “Wannabe” gave voice to a generation of girls. Specifically, a voice that they would use at karaoke, bachelorette parties and in road trip montages.
Mommy blogging has a real #feminist moment. These women detail the ins and outs of balancing motherhood, work, relationships and hobbies, showing that women really can, should and better have it all.
Hillary Clinton is the first female nominee for a major political party. During a presidential debate, Donald Trump calls Clinton a “nasty woman,” prompting Etsy shops everywhere to use their womanly independence to capitalize on his vulgarity. Clinton loses, and we spend most of this year and the following 100 years talking about her likability.
Kentucky Fried Chicken casts its first female colonel, finally breaking down the fried chicken glass ceiling with a finger-lickin’ good #feminist moment. America still has not had a female president and will not for years to come.
A historic number of women run for political office in the United States, prompting people to ask if feminism has gone “too far.” To be fair, now men only make up 75 percent of the Senate, so they have a point.
Every major retailer sells out of their “The Future Is Female” shirts. We’re still talking about Hillary Clinton’s likability.
Hey, remember intersectionality? The United States does for a minute, but promptly gets distracted by a Taylor Swift club anthem called “Girl, Love Yourself (In Your $4,500 Sample Size Glitter Gown).”
Sophia, the humanlike robot, is elected president, inspiring hot, white, cyborg girls across the nation to be everything their male creators programmed them to be (hot, white and unable to say “no”).
The gender wage gap is finally closed. Humans have been dead for centuries.