The Washington PostDemocracy Dies in Darkness

I’m running again for the first time in years. It’s resurfacing old insecurities.

I’m trying to be better to myself

Perspective by
Lily contributor
June 17, 2018 at 8:36 a.m. EDT

In an effort to try treating my body better, I started running again for the first time in more than five years.

I used to run all the time by myself in high school, with the laser-focused intention of losing weight. On the outside, I had healthy habits, but it never felt like enough, and I was constantly in mental turmoil.

The more time passes, the more I feel like I should have a better grip on how to be good to myself both mentally and physically. I know that I’m stronger and more confident in myself than I used to be. But in the past few months, and especially after running, I’ve felt a resurgence of conflicted emotions surrounding my body and behavior — about the way I used to live, about the way I want to be living, about the way people see me and about the way I see myself.