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I felt disoriented and lost after being raped. Here’s how I found my way back to happiness.

I’m not here to tell you what to do or how to feel, but I’d like to offer what helped me most

Perspective by
Lily contributor
April 7, 2019 at 11:25 a.m. EDT

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. It is also the month that I was raped by a stranger nine years ago while walking home.

I’m 29 now, and I’m happy about where I am and where I’m going. I’m creating art that I care about, I love my job and I’m surrounded by friends and family who make me laugh every day. I even published a graphic novel, which was a dream I’ve had since high school.

But for a significant amount of time after the rape, flashbacks and panic attacks kept my heart pounding day and night. My brain spun in painful circles to imagine ways I could have prevented the attack. When I wasn’t shaking with adrenaline and shame, I was in zombie mode, drained of all desire to draw, go to class or even get out of bed. Every day was miserable. When therapists and loved ones said I would be happy again one day, I didn’t see how that could be true.

This April, I offer a letter to my 20-year-old self and anyone who is suffering after a rape or assault. No matter your gender, age or how your pain and healing are manifesting, I hope these words bring comfort. If you read this letter and know someone who might need it — today or in the future — please pass it along.