The Washington PostDemocracy Dies in Darkness

Boundaries aren’t a bad idea — they’re the key to lasting friendships. I learned that the hard way.

In my 20s, I burned through relationships of near codependency

Perspective by
Lily contributor
April 28, 2019 at 9:16 a.m. EDT
(Bianca Xunise/For The Washington Post)

I’ve always longed to have tight-knit friendships, the types of friends I would make the godparents of my pets — a chosen family. But as I get older, I realize having healthy, lasting relationships is a lot harder than it looks. Long-term relationships involve balancing very different adult lives; we all have different needs and wants. It’s easy to get overwhelmed while trying to be the perfect best friend, but being perfect is impossible. Instead of trying to be everything to everyone, it’s more important to practice boundaries. Understand what you can and cannot take on, and allow your friends to do the same. My grandmother always used to say, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Though I’m sure she didn’t coin that phrase, the sentiment is important.